Victorious Vows

The Buddha says that our sense of who we are is based on a desire. And we have many “who-we-ares,” many senses of self, based on our many, many desires. The problem is that our desires can often pull us in different directions.

So it’s good every now and then to make some vows, to say that this one desire is more important than a lot of other desires could be. Then try to maintain that desire. There’ll be parts of the mind that say, “No, we want to go someplace else.” You have to be alert to them, because they’re you just as much as this other you—the you connected to the vow. They’ve been you many times in the past, so they sound just like you.

Or sometimes they sound like somebody else that you know in your family, or through the media. You have to have good arguments to use against them. Sometimes desires push you just through the power of their having hijacked your breath. But they have their reasons, and you want to be able to see their reasons clearly. That’s why they hide them, because often their reasons are pretty bad.

So just as they’re stubborn, you have to be stubborn, too. You’ve made up your mind you’re going to do something good. Try to define yourself as much as you can around that decision, around that determination. Anything else that comes up in the mind, say it’s somebody else.

This is why Ajaan Lee had that image of the many different consciousnesses in your body, of the worms and the germs that go through your blood system, and all the other voices that you hear around you, inside you. Think of them as somebody else. Try to identify as much as you can with your decisions to do what’s right, to do what’s going to be good for your long-term welfare and happiness.

There’s going to be a battle inside. Every time you create a sense of “I,” there’s going to be a conflict. But this is a conflict that’s worth fighting. As the Buddha said, victory over yourself is better than victory over thousands of people.

So. Try to figure out which one of your selves is the one that you want to have as the victor, and then learn all the tricks that are needed to keep that identity going until you don’t need it anymore. As long as there’s conflict, as long as there’s disagreement inside your mind, you’ve got to hold on to that identity.

Then, when you’re able to do that, congratulate yourself. Take some delight, as the Buddha said, delight in abandoning and delight in developing. You’re abandoning unskillful qualities and developing skillful ones—abandoning unskillful senses of who you are and developing more skillful senses.

As you learn how to hold to your vows like this, you become a different person. I’ve heard people complain, “I can’t imagine myself gaining anything really advanced in the practice.” Well, as you follow the path, you become a different person, a better person, a better version of you. So try to encourage that, because without that, you’re just a victim of whatever mood comes through the mind.

Try to establish some order in your desires, some sense of priorities. And learn from the tricks of your defilements. They can be clever in fooling you; well, you can be clever in fooling them. After all, they were you sometime in the past, so whatever cleverness they have, you can adopt that cleverness as well. Now use it for the sake of the Dhamma, for the sake of your long-term well-being. That’s when you know that your vow has succeeded.