Bow Down to Your Mouth

Let the mind settle down with the breath, and find a way of breathing that feels comfortable. If you’re going to stay here, it’s a lot easier to stay here when it’s pleasant to stay here. It gives the mind a good place to stay, and it can look at itself.

This is that time of the year where we’re preparing for the rains retreat. And usually for the rains retreat, it’s recommended that you try to develop some special goodness in your life: either learn to avoid some things that have been bad habits for a while or to develop some specifically good new habits.

And it’s best to think about your life when the mind is calm and settled like this. So give the mind a place to stay where it feels at ease. Then start thinking about the year that’s passed, what you’ve done that you may have regretted. Tell yourself, “Okay, I’m going to make up my mind to learn how not to do that again.”

Or you can think of some forms of goodness, like generosity, virtue, meditation, where you’re still weak. You might want to figure out some way to make them stronger. Because it’s the goodness that we do in our lives: That’s the monument that we leave.

We’ve built an ordination hall; we’ve built this monastery. But that kind of thing is going to wear away someday. But the goodness we do goes with us wherever we go. So make sure you have lots of it. Here’s your chance to say: “For the next three months, I’m going to try to make a special effort to be especially good in some area.”

It’s usually good to start with your words. Of your thoughts, words, and deeds, the words can be very powerful. You can say one word, and it can destroy a friendship. Or you can say another word, and it can cement a friendship. Yet all too often, we just turn our mouths on without thinking about where they’re going. It’s like turning on the car and just letting it ride, without any brakes, without any clear direction. That’s not good at all.

The Buddha said you want to avoid four kinds of speech.

One, avoid any lies. Anything that’s not true, you’re just not going to say it. Even if it’s a white lie, even if the other person can’t take the truth, it’s always best to tell the truth. Because when another person finds out that you’ve lied, they’re not going to trust you anymore. And you have to remember, if you’ve lied, who you told the lie to and who you didn’t tell it to. Life gets very complicated that way. And it can destroy friendships. It can destroy society as we see around us: people lying and who take it for granted that everybody else is lying. There’s no trust at all. So you can develop some trust, at least within you, and you can become a trustworthy person by making sure you don’t lie. That’s one form of right speech you want to hold to: that you’re going to tell the truth.

The second is to avoid divisive speech. In other words, when A has done something that B doesn’t like, you don’t go running around reporting it to B to break their friendship. You want to be the sort of person who cements friendships, who brings people who have been estranged back together again, rather than driving a wedge between other people.

The third type of speech is to avoid harsh speech. In other words, you don’t say things specifically to hurt other people’s feelings. Now, there are times when what you have to say is not going to be pleasant, but you try to say it in such a way that you show respect for the other person. You don’t just use harsh speech just to get a mood off of your shoulders, out of your heart. Think about the effect that your speech will have on others and try to speak in a way that’s soothing and gentle. And if you have something harsh to say—in other words, the meaning is going to be unpleasant—find some way to show that you at least have respect for the person you’re talking to. That way, it’s a lot easier for them to accept what you have to say.

And finally, idle chatter: You’ve got to avoid idle chatter. That, again, is turning on your mouth and just letting it run without any thought as to what you really mean to say or what purpose it’s going to serve. There’s all too much of that in this world. The Buddha even gave up—there’s no precept against idle chatter. If there were, everybody would be breaking the precept all the time. So when you’re going to say something, ask yourself, “What is the purpose of what I’m saying here? What am I trying to accomplish?” If you have a good purpose, okay, go ahead and say it.

Of course, there are times when we need some social grease, in other words, make sure that society is well lubricated, so there are pleasant things you say to make everybody feel good. But have a sense of how much grease is enough and how much is too much and gums up the works.

In this way you look after your mouth.

As Ajaan Lee said, “You want to bow down to your mouth every day.” Think of all the many lifetimes you have to work to get to a human mouth. And now you’ve got it. What are you going to do with it?

Try to do the best things you can. Avoid unskillful speech. Try to develop skillful speech. In that way, your mouth becomes something special. Your words become something that people can trust. They’re a force for good in the world.

So have a strong sense of the power of what you’re going to say. It’s so easy to break this precept against lying. It’s so easy to engage in wrong speech. And it can do so much damage. But if you learn how to get some control over your mouth, you can do a lot of good. Appreciate the fact that you’ve got this potential inside and make the most of it.