Conviction & Confidence

Ajaan Suwat would always say to begin the meditation with a sense of confidence, a sense of conviction: conviction that you have the power to do this, confidence that it will give good results—because meditation is the kind of activity that requires your full attention. You do meditation in the background as you go through the day, but when you sit down, close your eyes, this is the time to give it full attention. That’s when you’re going to see things you wouldn’t have seen otherwise. If you just go through the motions, you don’t really learn anything. You want to be very clear about what you’re doing, the results you’re getting, and then deciding whether you like the results.

An important part of having a sense of confidence in this practice is learning how to gladden yourself. In the beginning, it has to do with talking to yourself about how good it is that you have the opportunity to be with your own mind, study your own mind, figure out where it’s still ignorant, where you can overcome that ignorance. It’s good that you have this time and opportunity.

Also think about where the teachings come from. They came from a person who was really dedicated, who took his happiness seriously—not in a grim way, but in a wise way. When he later said to work on determining on discernment, he said, “Don’t neglect discernment.”

The questions that start discernment have to do with long-term welfare and happiness: “What, when I do it, will lead to my long-term welfare and happiness? What, when I do it, will lead to my long-term harm and suffering?” You have an opportunity to think in the long term. The world wants you to think in the short term. Immediate gratification, that’s what they offer. But the Buddha says that that can turn into something else. And when happiness turns into something else, it doesn’t turn into more happiness.

What you want is a happiness that’s going to last. That takes time. It’s like trees. The trees that grow fast tend to die fast. The ones that take a long time to grow can last for centuries. So even though the progress in the meditation may seem slow, you want to stick with it and learn to give yourself encouragement along the way.

When you do get the mind to settle down, and it does feel good, take note of that, value that—realizing that this is something you can do and the results are good. That will give you encouragement to continue on. So try to be confident. Try to be convinced this is a good thing, and you’re capable of doing it. In other words, approach the meditation with an attitude of refreshment, not as an onerous duty that’s going to weigh you down, but as an opportunity that’s going to open things up—lift up the mind, make everything inside the mind clear.

We suffer because the mind isn’t clear to us. We can end that suffering as we take the mind and open it up like a flower, petal by petal by petal, to see what’s inside. It’s a good activity to be following, one that should make you happy, even before the results come in, that you’ve got the time and the opportunity to test this path. Opportunities like this are rare.