For Goodness to Live On
October 25, 2023

Close your eyes and settle in with your breath. Make the breath a comfortable place to stay. Notice where you feel it most clearly in the body and focus there. Then ask yourself if it feels comfortable. If you find a nice spot that’s really sensitive to the breath, it’ll tell you when the breath is too long, when the breath is too short. So listen to what it has to say. That way, it’s easy to settle down in the present moment with a sense of well-being, a sense of ease.

And no, we’re not running away from the problems of the world. We’re actually helping the world by getting our minds under control. We live in this world of aging, illness, death, and separation, and yet we need to learn how to keep our balance in the midst of these things—and it’s not a selfish thing to keep your mind in balance. When you keep your mind in balance, it makes it easier for other people to maintain their balance, too. It’s like being a good driver on the road. If you prevent an accident, sometimes you can prevent a whole chain of accidents. So take care of your mind.

And then think of others around you. What is your gift for them? We were talking about aging, illness, death, and separation. We have to be prepared for these things—and think about what’s the best way to handle them when they come. Because when somebody else dies, a good thing to think about is the good that that person has done. Then ask yourself do you want that person’s goodness to die with that person? Well, no. So what can you do to improve your own behavior so it can carry on that goodness?

That’s a useful way of living in the world and learning from the facts of aging, illness, and death. We’re all going to be separated at some time, so while we’re still together, we should try to be as wise and compassionate as we can in our relationships with one another. Don’t be the sort of person who’s constantly fighting with someone and then, when that person dies, cries, and cries, and cries. The best kind of relationship is one where you know that it’s going to end, so you try to make sure that when it has ended, you can look back on it and say, “Well, I gave my best to that relationship. Both sides benefited.” That way, there’s a minimum of regret.

There’s the case of Ven. Sariputta talking about how he reflected one day that there was no change in the world that would upset his mind. He happened to mention this to a group of monks, and Ven. Ananda was there. Ananda got upset. “What if something were to happen to the Buddha? Wouldn’t you feel upset then?” And Sariputta said, “I’d reflect that it’s a shame that such a great being who’s been such a help to the world has to leave. But that’s the way things are.” And Ananda made an interesting comment. He said, “It’s a sign you have no conceit”—in other words, no sense of *my *loss, *my *feelings—my, my, my. You take those out of there.

Now, at the same time it was because Ven. Sariputta had benefited most from his relationship with the Buddha and had given his best. So, when the time came to part, there was no self-recrimination. That’s the ideal kind of relationship you want to have. When the relationship does end, as I said, try to think of the goodness of the other person and whatever way you can keep that goodness alive. That’s the best way to respond.

In the meantime, do good, dedicate the merit to the person who’s gone, so that you’re putting good energy into that relationship, because a lot of our relationships don’t end with death. We come back again and again, and again. So do your best to come back on friendly terms.