Joy in the Effort

It’s important, as you settle in with the breath, that you have a sense of ease with the breath, of liking to be here, of being interested in being here.

That combination of qualities—at ease, liking, and being interested—is an important part of creating the safe space you want inside. As the mind grows more and more still, things are going to come up: parts of yourself that you’ve been denying, parts of yourself that you’ve been hiding from yourself. There’s an instinctive reaction to keep on hiding them, especially when you feel threatened by them.

Yet when you have a safe space where you feel secure with a sense that you can handle whatever’s going to happen, and you’re still enough to actually see these things as they begin to make hints that they’re there, then you can deal with them.

But how do you develop that sense of feeling secure? It’s not just in the final product of having a safe space. It’s in the process of creating the safe space, of liking to do this process, that makes the space yours.

So it’s important that you choose a meditation topic that you really like, that you find congenial, that you find interesting. Whatever challenges there are, you feel up for them because you feel they’re worth it.

So, what’s that topic? The breath is one the Buddha recommended the most because it’s the force of life. The mind and the body meet at the breath, and you’re going to be able to see a lot of things about the connections between mind and body as you stay with the breath that you’d otherwise miss.

If you don’t yet feel a natural affinity for the breath, try to talk yourself into wanting to know more about it. When you breathe in, where do you actually feel energy flow in the body?

You may have some cartoon ideas about where the breath comes in, but where do you actually feel it coming in? Can you develop a sense of independence by saying, “Oh, this is where I feel it. Nobody else told me to see it here. This is my sensation of the breath. This is where I’m going to feel comfortable.”

That’s an important element in the practice: You’re creating your space. And if you feel as if you’re being asked to impose someone else’s ideas about the breath on your experience of the breath, look at those ideas instead as suggestions, possibilities that you can explore.

But you’re perfectly free to see: Where do you feel the breath? And where do you feel the breath is most comfortable? What kind of breathing do you find most comfortable?

What conception of breath energy in the body allows the body to feel refreshed? Flowing through the nerves? Flowing through the blood vessels? Flowing through the muscles? The bones? The fascia? Which seems most congenial to you? This is your breath. This is your space. You’ve got to explore it and see what you’ve got here.

Remind yourself that the way the energy flows in the body will have an impact on at least the health of the body. When the body feels healthier, when the circulation is better, then the mind feels more inclined to want to stay here.

So there are ways you can get yourself interested in the breath. But if you don’t find it interesting, well, what topic do you find interesting? You can try thinking about the different bones or about other parts of the body. Go down that list of thirty-two. Even if they’re not on the list, like the eyes, you can focus there, too.

Where are your eyes right now? How do they feel? What kind of mental pictures do you have of them? Pictures you’ve picked up from anatomy? Pictures you’ve picked up from actually seeing somebody else’s eyes at an autopsy? And how do you relate to the sensation of having eyes right here, the fact that they’re staring out all the time, all the time?

Or you can explore the topic of goodwill. What does it mean to have goodwill for other beings? What does it mean to have goodwill for yourself? Do you have trouble having goodwill for yourself? Ask yourself why. Why would you want yourself not to be happy?

Some people get caught up in the idea that goodwill means that you have to think that someone deserves to be happy. But the Buddha never uses the word “deserve.” You have goodwill for others regardless, because you know that if you have ill will, you’re going to start acting in unskillful ways. That then becomes your karma. So it’s for your sake that you have goodwill for others, and it’s for your sake that you have goodwill for yourself.

You can start exploring where there may be some ill will in your mind. Remind yourself that you don’t have to like other people in order to have goodwill for them. And you’re not going to make them be happy with your thoughts of goodwill. You’re just hoping that they behave in skillful ways, stop their unskillful ways, and that they’ll find happiness in that way. Is there anyone out there for whom you can’t have that thought? If there is, ask yourself why. Take it apart. Explore your mind.

That’s what meditation is all about: You’re exploring your mind. You want to find out what’s going on. After all, there are some habits in there that are creating suffering one way or another, and the whole purpose of the meditation is to dig them out. You have to bring them out into what we say is this safe space, so that they’re not so scary. They’re scary because they’re operating in the shadows, and of course, being in the shadows, they can look bigger than they are.

A lot of times, when shadow animals come out, you see that they’re a lot scrawnier than the outlines that you added in your imagination. So work on developing this safe space—and you make it your space by taking an interest in making it. The places you’ve made are the ones you know the best.

So take some joy in getting the mind to settle down. Take some interest in the problems, because it’s that quality of interest that keeps you protected from your unskillful mental states.

You probably know the type of therapist who says, “Whatever you say, I’m going to accept it.” You don’t trust people like that. It seems make-believe. But if you find someone who actually is interested in you, interested in your problems, who challenges you when you say something foolish, those are the people you can trust.

So take an interest in your own mind. Take an interest in your experience of the body here, and an interest in your experience of the mind right here. That way, when other things come up—unskillful mind states, things that you’re kind of embarrassed about—you can take an interest in them, too. Your interest is what protects you, and it’s also what helps solve the problem.

So learn to take joy in the process of settling down. There’s joy in the effort. All too often, we approach a task saying, “I want a certain result. I’m going to grit my teeth and just strain and strain and be anxious until I get there.” But you’re not going to create a safe space that way. And when you get there, it’s going to be unstable, whatever you’ve got.

Learn to settle down in the process of the doing, in the process of the making; finding joy in understanding your mind as it settles down. When it refuses to settle down, take an interest in why.

After all, this should be the most interesting thing in the world, your mind, because it governs your life more than anything else. You should want to find out: What’s the power structure in here? Who’s in charge? Who’s calling the shots?

You can take the role of actually calling the shots when you start saying, “I want to settle down, get the mind still, so that I can see these subtle things with a sense of ease in the doing.”

Because that’s how you create the ease in the concentration. It’s not that you strain and strain and strain and finally get to an easeful location someplace. You find joy in the effort. After all, once you create a state of concentration, you’re going to have to maintain it. It’s not that you arrive and there you are, free from any further responsibilities.

Take joy in calming the mind. Take joy in calming the breath. Take joy in keeping them calm. Know that you’re on a good path that’s going to a good place, and then focus on the path. When you have joy in doing this and is the process of settling down, then when the mind settles down, you’ll have more joy in maintaining it and then putting that quiet mind to use, because it’s your space. You made it because you were interested.

So whatever meditation topic is offered—the Buddha offers a lot of them— find one that captures your interest. And if it doesn’t automatically capture your interest, ask questions to make yourself interested. This is not being imposed on you. This is an opportunity for you to explore yourself.

Learn to enjoy the opportunity. Then as the mind settles down into deeper and deeper levels of concentration, and things begin to appear that you’ve been hiding for a long time, you can take an interest in them, too. They’re part of the process.

So focus on the process, and not so much on your ideas of the product. Find joy in the process, take an interest in the process, and the results will be joyful and interesting.

All aspects of the practice are like this. You get the most out of generosity when you enjoy being generous, when you take an interest in being generous. You get the most out of the precepts when you find joy in following them, becoming an honorable person.

Take an interest in the challenges, because all of these processes, all of these parts of the path, are there for you to learn, to open up parts of your mind.

If you can’t take joy in opening your mind, if you can’t take an interest in opening your mind, what in the world will be joyful? What in the world will be interesting?

It’s when you find joy in the doing that when the process is actually done, it can lead to a genuine joy.