Noble Conversation

I remember a lay meditation teacher discussing her early days meditating in India. She had had a bad morning. She was in line for the midday meal. She heard someone behind her talking to a friend, saying that he’d had a bad day in the morning, but he was determined to have a good day that afternoon. She was struck by his positive attitude, because her bad day in the morning had destroyed her image of herself as a meditator. She then realized that she had to have a chipper attitude. Things in the mind go up; things in the mind go down. If they can go down, they can go back up again. That’s a case where conversation is actually helpful.

This is one of the skills of being a meditator: knowing what to talk about, when and where to talk about it, and who to talk about it to. The Buddha discusses ten topics that are valid for discussing. Some of them have to do with meditation—the practice of concentration, discernment, release, and knowledge and vision of release—and people like to talk about their ideas about the advanced stages. But some more basic topics are actually more helpful to get you started and get you on the right foot from the very beginning—and to keep you on track.

The list starts with modesty. Whatever you know, whatever you think you’ve attained, you don’t talk about it to other people. That’s a topic that you keep quiet.

There’s the story of Ven. Anuruddha’s novice. The Buddha points him out to Ven. Ananda and says, “See that novice over there? You know where he washes his teacher’s bowl? Up in a lake in the Himalayas. He levitates there, washes the bowl, comes back. And his main thought is, ‘Don’t let anybody know about this.’” That’s the right attitude you should have. You shouldn’t be discussing your great attainments.

As the Ajaan Fuang used to say, whatever happens in your meditation, you talk about it to your teacher. Nobody else. When you start sharing with other people, they may have their ideas about what’s going on, and they see no problem with sharing their ideas. Then you don’t know where you’re going—what’s up, what’s down, who’s right, who’s wrong. That kind of thing you should keep to yourself.

Things you can talk about are being contented: contented with your food, contented with your shelter. If people complain about how uncomfortable the beds are in the guesthouse, just tell them, “Hey, it’s better than sleeping on the ground. At least you’ve got something supporting you. And it’s good enough for the practice.”

Or you can talk about seclusion. Now, seclusion has many levels. There’s physical seclusion and there’s mental seclusion. Physical seclusion is going off on your own. Mental seclusion is when you get secluded from your defilements, the cravings that keep talking to you, that want you to engage in chatter all day long with them, even if you’re sitting alone. It’s good to encourage one another in going off on your own so that you can deal directly with these problems of mental seclusion.

In other words, when doing work during the work period, you talk about the work, what needs to be done. There’s only so much you really have to say about the work. Then you let one another be secluded, even though you’re there together. If you’re working together and the work is going smoothly, everything is fine, you don’t have to talk too much. This is one of those cases where only a minimum of social grease is required. Then, when the work is done, encourage one another to go off and have some quiet time by yourself so you can deal directly with what’s coming up in the mind, not have to deal with other people’s issues as well.

Another good principle is non-entanglement. Again, this is one of those cases where the conversation gets started, and you don’t try to just drag it on and on and on. Whatever needs to be settled, you settle quickly, and leave it.

The Buddha gives the example of a monk. He’s visited by important people. They ask him questions about the Dhamma. He answers them to their satisfaction, and then he stops talking. He doesn’t take this as an opportunity to string things out, to make more connections.

You have to be especially careful with important people. You have to show that you’re here for another purpose and not for social connections.

Then there’s talking about persistence, encouraging one another to sit longer hours, to walk longer times when you’re doing your walking meditation. That’s the kind of thing about which you should encourage one another.

And your virtue. Encourage one another in our precepts. These are things we can talk about.

When you find that you’ve slipped with the precepts and you want advice from somebody you know is better at observing the precepts, you go get the advice. And then again, once the topic has been discussed, everything’s been settled, you go back and you look for some more seclusion.

That’s where all these topics of conversation aim: at ending the conversation in a useful way so that we can all go off on our separate ways, on good terms with one another, but at the same time without a lot of mental clutter to follow us back to our meditation spot.

So these are the kinds of things you should be talking about: modesty, contentment, persistence, seclusion, non-entanglement, virtue—putting some bounds on your conversations. When there are bounds on your conversations outside, it’s a lot easier to have bounds on your inner conversation.

We’re dealing with directed thought and evaluation in both cases. And the more you can control your directed thoughts—directing them to topics that are useful, and evaluating how much is enough conversation—then the easier it gets to exercise the same discretion while you’re meditating. What should you be talking to yourself about? How should you be analyzing it? When you’ve made that a practice throughout the day, it’s that much easier to continue with a skillful practice as you sit with your eyes closed.

So remember: conversation can be helpful, especially if it’s around the basics. Because it’s the basics that are often getting in the way—or lack of basics.

Help one another to develop a good foundation, and you’re helping one another on the higher levels as well, without having to talk about them. Because the higher levels are things that are found inside. They’re very subtle, very sensitive. So the less talk about them, the better. The more you talk about how to get there—within bounds, of course—then the better off we’ll all be. And it’ll be an aid to our meditation that we’re here as a group, rather than an obstacle.